Get Outside of Yourself

One problem with depression is that it causes people to constantly dwell on themselves and their problems. You judge yourself and engage in all sorts of negative internal dialogue, and you begin to obsess about your problems--effectively eliminating your ability to attract positive energy and positive experiences into your life! The best way to start breaking this aspect of depression is to get outside of yourself by focusing on others at least once a week (more frequently if your schedule permits).

Take at least a few hours a week to donate your time and energy to others. Volunteer your time to a cause you feel good about. Please DO NOT pick something that might make you sad! If visiting shut-ins or working with abandoned animals will make you sad, you could do something else like volunteer at a thrift store. Find something that benefits others and will help you feel good about yourself at the same time. You will feel good about being in service to others, but while you are donating your time you will think less about your perceived problems, which will go a very long way in helping you recover from depression!

I will continue exploring other very effective ways to break through depression, and I welcome your comments, suggestions, questions and personal stories.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Work With What's Working

One of the first steps to overcoming depression is to work with what's working. I know, it seems pretty simple, but when you're suffering from depression it can be difficult to even recognize what's working in your life, let alone work with it! The other day in my post Break Through Depression, I asked you to make a list of what's working in your life. Some people misinterpreted the question to mean "what works to help you get through or avoid depression?" All the suggestions I received were very good and many happen to be covered in my upcoming posts on this topic. However, if you were one of the people who misinterpreted the question, what I mean is: what do you have or do in your life right now that you are satisfied with?

There's an old saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." Depression will trick you into believing that your whole life is a waste and there's nothing good about it, but that isn't true. Even if your "what's working" list is short, there are some things that you've got going on in your life right now that are good. If your depression really has a hold on you, it's quite normal for the "what's working" list to be short because depression robs you of the ability to see your life clearly.

The chances are pretty high that the things which are causing you pain and sadness are things you are powerless to change. They're things out of your control, and things you just have to learn to live with. It takes time to be okay with those losses and disappointments, but the only way you'll be able to learn to live with them is if you start living again! In order to do that, you need to recognize your right to enjoy life and then actively seek positive experiences.

Now that you have your list, even if it's short, the next step is to explore how you can maximize your enjoyment of these things, and what other opportunities for enjoyment they provide. If your job is something that's really working for you right now, you may not be able to work more hours to get more enjoyment, and that might not be healthy anyhow. However, you can explore the opportunities available to you because of your work and you might find additional ways to maximize enjoyment. For example, does your work provide opportunities for travel or meeting new people? These are things you could take advantage of to increase your enjoyment of life overall. Take the things on your list and seek ways to increase your enjoyment of them and ways to celebrate them.

Don't tell me that it's selfish to become a pleasure seeker. You need to realize that you can't be as good a friend, parent, or employee while struggling with depression as you can be when you're happy and healthy. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. It's time to take charge of your life again and refuse to let depression rob you of any more positive experiences!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Create a "Happy Trigger"

Events in your daily life trigger emotional reactions; they can trigger joy and gratitude, stress and anxiety, or even sadness and depression. Something as simple as a scent or a smile from a stranger can trigger emotions. Today I want to teach you how to create a "happy trigger" that can pull you back into a state of joy and optimism whenever you need it, regardless of other events triggering different emotional reactions.

If you read my post yesterday, Break Through Depression, then you've probably made a list of things that are working in your life and you might be wondering what to do next. Don't worry--I'll come back to that. Today, see if you can add at least one more thing to that list...

I want to teach you how to create a "happy trigger" right now because it can take some practice and I want you to start right away.

Think about a time in your life when you were truly happy. Think of your happiest memory. Close your eyes and recreate that memory in your mind with as much detail as possible. Hold it firmly in your mind; replay it a few times until that blissful emotion fills your heart completely. Now place your right hand over your heart while you replay that memory. Feel your heart beating while you experience the joy of your happiest memory. Breathe deeply and evenly. Hold your hand over your heart for three to five minutes while you focus on the emotions triggered by your happiest memory.

Repeat this exercise twice a day for a week. If you find your mind drifting, think of other happy memories to prevent boredom. As you recapture the positive emotions of your joyful memories, breathe evenly and hold your right hand over your heart. You are training your mind and creating a "happy trigger." Soon you will be able to place your hand over your heart, take deep and even breaths, and instantly experience deep feelings of happiness. It will take practice for your mind to associate the gesture of placing your hand over your heart with experiencing positive emotions, so continue to work at it every day until you are able to experience instant joy with this simple gesture.

Use this trigger to bring you back to a state of joy whenever life starts to get you down. When you're in a state of joy, it's much easier to see your life as a gift and you will find it much easier to face challenges with optimism. You can start to find and act upon solutions to your depression once you have a positive and optimistic perspective.

Depression will tempt you to hold onto pain, to wallow in it until you feel nothing else. Depression will lie to you. Depression will tell you that the slightest upset, disappointment or set back in your day means that you will never be happy and your life is worthless. Depression will tell you there's no way to restore hope, and that Monica's "happy trigger" suggestion is stupid, pointless and will never work. These thoughts can be so convincing, but they are lies. Remember: you were happy in the past which means you can be happy again! It isn't even as difficult as your depression wants you to believe.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Break Through Depression

The holiday season can be a difficult time, especially if things aren't going right in your life or you're struggling with unfulfilled hopes and dreams. This is the time of year when depression can really sink in. One thing I've learned about life is that life is really cool! It has a way of surprising you in the most unexpected ways. However, depression robs you of the ability to step back and say, "Wow, life is so amazing!" When you're depressed, everything seems to get worse and worse.

I say this because I know depression. I have dealt with and overcome severe depression and I know how difficult it can be to break through it. I want to do everything I can to help others break through and be able to experience the awe and joy that life has to offer! Over the next little while, I'm going to post several articles about overcoming depression, with specific tips to help you get the most enjoyment out of your life.

I encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences with comments or private emails. Talking about it is an important step to breaking through it because it helps you to see that you're not alone. No one will ever have the same experiences that you have or feel the same way that you feel because you are unique in every way, but seeing that others have similar experiences and feelings will benefit you.

The first thing I want you to do is take an honest look at your life and answer this question: what is really working for you? You already know what isn't working, your depression reminds you of those things multiple times every day, but if you honestly look at your life, you will discover that some things really are working. Maybe it's just that your cat purrs when you give her love--but that's something! Make a list of everything that is working (and feel free to add it to the comments for this post). Writing the list might even make you smile--and tomorrow I'll write about what to do next.

Last year at this time, I found myself struggling with the most severe depression of my life and I wasn't enjoying the holiday season. I had always loved Christmas time, and I was honestly angry that depression was robbing me of that! I was enjoying my work though, and that gave me something to start with. I took an honest inventory of all the things that were working for me and it helped me regain hope and be able to see some solutions.

I look forward to helping you discover your solutions too!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Resolving Conflict Through Communication

The best way to resolve conflict in any situation in your life is through communication. Regardless of the nature of the conflict, the same communication strategy can work to resolve the conflict. The first thing you need to do is be a good listener. If you try to convince the other person that you're right and they're wrong, you're not likely to get very far and the conflict will probably escalate.

The first step toward resolving the conflict is to get the other person to express their point of view as clearly as possible. Set aside your emotions and your point of view, and ask the other person how they see the situation. Be calm and express that you are genuinely interested in hearing their side. Listen closely without becoming judgemental or defensive. If there's anything you can agree with them on, point it out, but reserve your disagreements for later. Don't tell the other person, "I can see where you're coming from," if you honestly don't see their point of view clearly. If you still don't understand, ask questions and encourage the other person to keep talking until you actually do have a good understanding of their position.

When the other person feels they have truly been heard and understood, they're far more likely to listen to your point of view with the same level of respect you gave them. After you listen to everything they had to say, and pointed out any aspects of their position that you could really agree with, you can express your side of things and the points you disagree on. You need to be as calm and rational as possible, and if any of your points are based on emotional reactions, try to explain your emotions clearly from your point of view without passing judgement on the other person. For example, you might say, "I feel like you don't consider my feelings when you..." rather than saying, "You never think about how I feel when you..."

After both of you have had the opportunity to express your opinions, beliefs and points of view, you probably have some mutual understanding to work with and you certainly have created an atmosphere of mutual respect that will go a long way in helping you resolve the conflict! If you have found some common ground that you both agree on, you can brain storm together about possible solutions to the problem you're facing. At that point you've transitioned from conflict to cooperation. If neither of you have been able to agree with any aspect of the other person's point of view, you either have to agree to disagree (which only works if there is mutual respect) or you need to continue trying to understand each other better, but in most situations you will actually find some common ground that will be your starting point to resolving the problem.

Remember that successful conflict resolution isn't necessarily about being right or getting your way; it's about being understood and finding a solution that works for both of you.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Obligations, Promises and Integrity: Food for the Soul

Our lives are full of all sorts of obligations including work, promises made to friends and family, and even obligations based on spiritual beliefs and personal integrity. All of those demands and pressures can weigh you down and cause you to feel like life would just be a whole lot better if you didn't have any obligations at all!

Broken promises erode the trust between people as well as the credibility of the individual or organization that made and failed to carry through with the promise. If you fail to carry through with your obligations and break promises you have made, people will have no choice but to withdraw some or all of the trust they placed in you and they are more likely to turn to someone else in the future. This is the same in business as it is in personal relationships, although in business there's often no opportunity to redeem yourself.

It's easy to see what you stand to lose by breaking promises and reneging on obligations, but do you realize all that you stand to gain by fulfilling them? Of course there is the benefit of building even more trust and credibility, but there is an even greater reward. When you fulfill your obligations and promises, it builds your confidence, self esteem, self-respect and sense of integrity--providing you with a surge of positive energy that is fuel for your spirit! You will also have less need for validation from external sources in order to feel good and worthy.

While it is true that you can't break promises if you avoid making any in the first place, this mindset does not help you achieve the deep sense of purpose and value that your spirit requires for living. Life without obligations might sound easier but in reality it's much more difficult because you have no direction or purpose. If you're finding it difficult to meet your obligations and fulfill your promises, try focusing on the benefits you'll receive, especially the ability to feel even better about yourself.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Take a Brief Meditation Retreat

If you're feeling stressed, run-down or burnt out by your hectic life, get instant relief and spiritual enlightenment by taking a brief meditation retreat. You will need to physically retreat to a private location such as your bedroom, the balcony, a quiet spot outdoors, or any other place where you can have privacy. Turn off your cell phone and remove any other distractions--this will be a relatively short break from your hectic life (ten or fifteen minutes will do), so you don't need to worry about the phone or anything else. Make yourself comfortable. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, or even a light snack during your retreat.

That's the retreat part of the plan, now onto the meditation. Use this short time to ponder a concept, idea or question. Some good examples are the nature of love, the benefits of friendship, the idea of unconditional trust, etc. If you are troubled by an issue in your life, such as conflict with a co-worker, you can use it as your topic for your brief retreat but just don't be too specific. (This retreat is not to be used for fretting about specific issues of your day-to-day routine.) For example, ponder a related concept such as competition or a question like, "How can I improve my communication skills to reduce conflict with others?" During your retreat, think about your chosen concept, idea or question and exclude all other thoughts.

Your brief meditation retreat is a light meditation session. The privacy and relaxation will help refresh and recharge you, and the meditation will lead to deeper understanding of the issues in your life as well as spiritual enlightenment.

When your ten or fifteen minutes are up, return to your regular routine even if you have not reached a deep understanding of your concept or answers to your question. Don't worry--you can continue pondering on your next retreat.

Make the brief meditation retreat part of your daily routine to promote inner peace, enlightenment and wellness. This his how I start every single day, and I take several brief retreats throughout the day (anytime I need a short break) and it helps me to recharge between sessions with my clients, remain centered and develop a deeper understanding of myself, interactions with other people, and life in general. Some people feel too busy for a half hour or an hour of meditation every day, but anyone can make ten minutes for a little relaxation and meditation!

~*~Monica Who~*~

P.S. If you need a really good meditation topic, one that will keep you thinking endlessly, I highly recommend my personal favourite: the reality of illusion and the illusion of reality. I guarantee this one will continuously challenge and expand your perceptions for the rest of your life!

Prepare for the New Year and Manifest Your Dreams!

You might wonder why you should prepare for the New Year now because there's still six weeks left in 2007, and you probably have to make preparations for the holiday season. Of course you don't need to prepare for the New Year, you can just go with the flow and see what happens, but it's your future and I don't think there's any good reason to skip planning for your happiness and success. Next year you are going to manifest your dreams, in accordance with your highest good and the highest good of all concerned! Especially if you have never tried manifesting before, I want you to give this a try...

Sit down and spend some time really thinking about what would make you truly happy next year. What would make you feel fulfilled and also benefit the people around you? What would make your life easier? What do you want to accomplish in 2008?

Now get a piece of paper and get ready to make a list. At the top of the paper write, "I will receive guidance and support to make these dreams a reality in 2008."

Write down your dreams and goals for 2008. You may want to break your list down into categories such as: family life, social life, romantic life, spiritual life, financial life, material possessions, and self improvement. Think about what you want from your personal relationships, where you want to be living, things you want to own that will make your life easier, and definitely do not forget any improvements you intend to make for your mind, body and spirit. You can also add dreams that simply increase your enjoyment of life such as your hobbies, travel and recreation.

Be specific about your goals; instead of "make more money" you may want to write "increase earnings by 30%." Of course there is no limit to how much you can manifest in 2008, but you do need to understand that you and God are partners in manifesting your dreams and God will only allow what is in your highest good. For some people, a sudden windfall of money (like winning the lottery) can cause a great deal of turmoil if they are not prepared. It would not be in your highest good to suddenly have ten million dollars unless your personal relationships are strong and healthy enough, and you have overcome any addictive tendencies, for example. This doesn't mean you can't manifest lottery winnings in 2008--but if you want to add that to your list, be sure to think about what else you might need in order to cope with the financial blessing.

When you have completed your list, read it over several times to make sure you didn't overlook anything. Finally write at the bottom of the list, "My dreams for 2008 will be fulfilled in accordance with the highest good for myself and everyone concerned." Then fold up your list and put it away where you will not be tempted to read it. I bury my list in my bowl of power stones, but another good idea is to put the list with your holiday decorations so it will be stored through the year and you will not have access to it again until the holiday season near the end of 2008. The idea is to put the list away and forget about it: not to forget about your dreams, but to put the list out of sight and out of mind.

If you have never tried manifesting your dreams, you might be skeptical. That's okay; I was skeptical my first time too! But I wrote down my goals for the following three years and long term goals I intended to achieve within ten years. You may want to do this as well (just make the necessary adjustments to the statements you write at the top and bottom of the list.) When I did go over my list a year later, I was very surprised. I had not only manifested 80% of the dreams for the first year, but in my first year I had also manifested several items listed for two and three years ahead! The dreams I was not able to manifest in my first year were dreams that did not serve the highest good of two very special people in my life, so I had no problems accepting that these dreams did not come to pass. I know they will manifest when the time is right, so I do not need to give up on those dreams--I just need to be patient.

Go ahead and make your list today, before you get too busy with the holiday season, and get ready to enjoy the best year of your life so far and the start of even better things to come!

~*~Monica Who~*~

That Hurts, Stop It!

As a young child, you may have learned that touching a hot stove causes pain and therefore you should not touch a hot stove. Physical pain teaches us a very simple and logical lesson: stop that and don't do that again. So why then do so many of us refuse to learn the exact same message from our emotional pain?

The truth is that most people fail to realize that our pain is a result of something we are doing and instead, we seek to blame the pain on an external source. We blame other people, circumstances, and even God for our pain. This leads us to develop the false belief that something else is responsible for our pain and therefore we cannot heal or prevent further pain ourselves. In some cases people do blame themselves and then begin to punish themselves, which leads to even more pain! Stop looking for someone or something to blame.

I'm not saying that the actions of other people cannot hurt you--but I seek to remind you that you have the power to learn from your pain and to stop doing whatever you were doing that resulted in the emotional injury, just as you would learn to not touch a hot stove after being burned. If you don't start learning from your emotional pain so you can heal and grow, you will start learning how to numb your pain through addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or other activities. Perhaps you have already started using addiction to avoid learning from your pain, and addictions (regardless of the form they take) always lead to more emotional turmoil and troubles in your life.

The next time you find yourself broken-hearted, crying your eyes out, blaming someone for your pain, shaking your fists at God, or turning toward addictions, stop and take a long look at what has happened to make you feel such pain. Rather than placing blame on any outside influence or punishing yourself, ask yourself what you could do differently to stop this pain and avoid it in the future. The answer may be tough to face, and the solution may involve taking an action (such as getting out of a toxic relationship) that you hoped you wouldn't have to do.

Turning away from, numbing or ignoring your pain will not help you; it is a deliberate choice to ignore the opportunity for growth and healing. Truly facing and learning from your pain takes courage and strength and you may be afraid to do it on your own, but you don't have to do it alone! True wisdom includes asking for help when you need it: ask your angels for help, seek the guidance and support of a therapist or counselor, or participate in a twelve step support group.

If you burn yourself on a hot stove, you learn to not touch a hot stove again and you tend to your injury to promote healing. When you learn from your emotional pain, also stop and take care of yourself as well. You may get hurt in different ways in the future, but you will truly benefit from taking the time to really learn the lesson your pain is trying to teach you.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Introduction to Meditation

Meditation is a practice that brings inner peace and harmony, spiritual enlightenment, healing, balance and overall wellness for your mind, body and spirit. Meditation is a vital aspect of spiritual growth and it can also be used for getting in touch with your innermost feelings and developing greater awareness of your body. Regular meditation will help you cope with stress and toxic emotions, feel stronger and healthier, and can even help you overcome problems such as insomnia, depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, post traumatic stress, eating disorders, addictions, phobias, high blood pressure, chronic pain, and much more! Meditation is also the best way to initiate contact with angels.

I cannot tell you how many times people have asked me how to meditate! First, I want to tell you that meditation is not difficult; with just a little practice, you will be on your way to achieving all the benefits of meditation.

Relaxation is a key element to any meditation. You may want to meditate lying down with your eyes closed, but you might find yourself drifting off to sleep. If you want to meditate in a sitting position, make sure to employ good posture, with your back straight so you can breathe evenly from your diaphragm. Breathe deeply and evenly, and release all tension from your body.

There are countless ways to meditate, but there are two general methods of meditation. The first method is to focus your thoughts on a concept, idea or image and the second method is clear your mind of all thoughts, enabling messages from your angels, spirit guides and higher self to flow into your mind unencumbered by your mental clutter. You will find the first method much easier at first but both methods require a great deal of concentration, which is not a natural state for the human mind! For whichever method of meditation you choose, you must first train your mind to concentrate.

In the beginning it's best that you do not try to force concentration, rather begin by allowing your mind to wander freely. This can be both entertaining and enlightening as you learn more about your innermost thoughts. Once you have allowed your mind to wander freely, you will find it easier to focus your thoughts. I recommend that you give yourself fifteen to twenty minutes of roaming thought before you settle down and attempt to focus (use a timer). As you develop your skill, gradually reduce the time for rambling thought until you no longer need to give this freedom to your mind.

Concentration and focus can be achieved through several means. Here are a few that I find useful:

1. Focus on the sensations of your body. Control your breathing, listen to your heart beat, become fully aware of the air surrounding you and the feeling of the surface you're sitting or resting on.
2. Think of and make yourself fully aware of just one part of your body, such as your hand, and exclude all other sensations in the rest of your body.
3. Repeat a mantra over and over, either out loud or within your mind. Phrases from the Bible are useful mantras when you want to connect with angels and feel closer to God. A good example is, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want," but of course there are many others that would work. Choose any phrase that inspires inner peace for you.
4. Visualize a simple object, shape or colour and think of nothing else until your mind is fully focused and undisturbed by any other thoughts or images.
5. Focus on one single emotion (love is best when you seek to connect with angels) until you fully grasp the meaning and experience of it.
6. Focus on a physical object such as a burning candle or power stone.
7. Focus on a mandala (an image portraying religious or mystical concepts; generally an image within a circle inside a square, with intricate or kaleidoscopic patterns.)

Training your mind to focus and concentrate may not be as easy as it sounds, but with continued practice you will achieve success. Include meditation in your daily routine to reap the full benefits for your mind, body and spirit, and in time you'll find that you can meditate in any position, anytime and anywhere!

~*~Monica Who~*~

P.S. Stay tuned--in a few days I will post about a simple yet beneficial meditation practice that even the busiest person can incorporate into their daily routine. I understand some people feel they cannot make time for extensive meditation every day.

"I Don't Repeat Gossip, So Listen Closely..."

These words are printed on a decorative plaque which hangs in my mother's kitchen. I can only assume that someone thought the words were cute and funny, but gossip is neither cute nor funny. Gossip lowers the spiritual vibration of everyone who participates in it. When people engage in gossip, their thoughts turn to judgement and they experience any number of toxic emotions such as jealousy, resentment, irritation, anger, depression and suspicion.

Never forget that words have equal power to hurt and to heal. Whenever possible, choose words that uplift, encourage, inspire and heal others. Speak kindly of others. Do not delight in the misfortune of others. When you encounter gossip, try to gently change the topic of discussion as quickly as possible. I like to say something like, "May the angels speak kindly of her in heaven."

Gossip isn't always full of negative judgements of others or details of their bad news. Sometimes people pass on another person's good news, thinking there is no harm in this type of gossip because it's positive--but even positive gossip can hurt. For example, news of a friend getting married or expecting a new baby can hurt someone who is struggling in their love life or longing for a child of their own. In addition, the person you're talking about might not wish to share their good news with many others.

Sometimes you might discuss another person or the events of someone else's life because you are struggling with that person or are otherwise troubled by the information, and you require support or advice. In these situations, respect the other person as much as possible. Carefully consider your choice of confidant--do not discuss these matters with someone who cannot advise you appropriately or who is likely to repeat what you have said in confidence. Don't reveal unnecessary details, choose your words very carefully, and avoid judging the other person. Their actions could be hurtful or troubling to you, but they could be reacting to pain and suffering that you are unaware of.

Before you speak about another person, ask yourself why you feel compelled to say something. Check your intentions and make sure that you have every one's highest good in mind.

May the angels speak kindly of us all in heaven!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Drifting Apart and Reconnecting

Sometimes friends drift apart, without even meaning to. Maybe you both got caught up in your busy lives, or maybe one or both of you withdrew and started isolating. You find yourself looking back and wondering what happened. You wonder how your friend is doing because you never stopped caring, you just lost touch.

Last summer I lost touch with a friend. We had become instant friends and bonded over many shared experiences. She means a great deal to me, but we drifted apart. The other night I logged onto MySpace (I hadn't been on that site in a long time) and saw she was online, so I sent her a brief note to let her know I was thinking of her. She responded with a long email and told me she was happy to hear from me. I'm happy too!

If you've lost touch with someone special and you keep wondering about them, I urge you to reach out today. Don't waste another day! Just because you haven't heard from someone in a while doesn't mean they aren't thinking about you. Send a little note or pick up the phone and call your friend. You've already lost touch. You have nothing to lose by reaching out, and there is so much you could gain!

Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
-- Anna Cummins

~*~Monica Who~*~

Giving Second Chances

Giving someone a second chance can be a difficult decision, especially when you have been hurt by them. Forgiveness is always good for your soul, but forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them another chance to hurt you. There is a very real possibility that they'll repeat the behaviour that made you pull away in the first place. Other times second chances lead to healing, growth and fulfilling experiences. When is it a good idea to give a second chance?

This is definitely a decision you have to make for yourself. It can be helpful to seek the advice and opinions of people you trust, but ultimately you are the one who will live with the decision. There are times when friends and loved ones will discourage giving a second chance because they love you and don't want to see you get hurt, but only you can decide if it's really a good idea or not.

The first thing you should consider when making this decision is: what has changed? If you pulled away from a friend, family member or romantic partner because the relationship was toxic, you should not give a second chance if nothing has changed. Does the other person demonstrate a genuine willingness to change? Has the other person expressed a new point of view and accepted responsibility for their actions?

Do you want to give this person a second chance? It could be a mistake. You could get hurt again. You already know this, but if your heart is telling you to give another chance it's probably a risk you're willing to take (even if nothing has changed). Sometimes the risk pays off with rewarding new experiences with someone you already care deeply for, and sometimes the pay off comes in the form of a painful but valuable lesson learned.

No one can make the decision for you and no one has the right to judge you for the decision you make, regardless of the outcome.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Mind-Body-Spirit Wellness: Small Changes Can Make a Big Difference

A balanced approach toward personal wellness involves taking steps to improve the health of your mind, body and spirit. We're all aware of the ways mental and emotional stress can negatively impact your physical health, and likewise, how struggling with illness can make you unhappy.

Taking care of your body is something you probably know the most about because physical health information is presented to us on a regular basis. You know that eating a balanced diet and living an active lifestyle are two things that can really improve your physical health. What you might not realize is that while you're exercising, you have an excellent opportunity to improve your mental or spiritual health at the same time by meditating. There are many forms of meditation and you don't have to be completely relaxed and perfectly still to meditate. While you're exercising, you can explore philosophical questions, contemplate the events of your life, engage in conversation with your angels, explore new ideas, and work through your emotions.

Many people find religious study and activities to be a vital part of their spiritual wellness, but religion isn't the only way to improve the health of your spirit. Appreciating nature and the divine connection between all living things is one very good way. Find ways that you're comfortable with and keep an open mind about new ways and new spiritual ideas that are presented to you. Studying other spiritual beliefs is a good way to enhance the health of your spirit and your mind at the same time--don't worry that you're somehow betraying your beliefs by learning more about what other people believe.

Taking care of your mental health means improving your psychology as well as your mental focus and intellect. Try to reduce and relieve stress, sort through and express your emotions (at least through journaling), and also devote some time to learning and exercising your memory.

Making time for improving the health of your mind, body and spirit can be a lot easier than you might think, and even small changes can make a big difference in your overall wellness. Set aside some time each day for taking care of your mind, body and spirit--and combine these activities when you can. Also, try new things and change your routine from time to time to prevent boredom and becoming stagnant.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Get More from Life

The popular saying, "You get out of life what you put into it" rings true with most of us, but there are times when it makes you feel even more frustrated! You've been putting in so much hard work and feel like you're getting nowhere fast, and this saying seems to imply that you're just not trying hard enough.

If you're not getting what you want in life, it's time to re-evaluate things. It is true that your actions, intentions, and attitude have a major impact on the events and overall success of your life. Changing any of these elements can dramatically change your results. There might not be anything lacking in your actions! Sometimes taking on a more positive attitude is the only change you need to make in order to start experiencing positive results from your actions. The Law of Attraction applies in these situations--approaching things with a positive attitude helps attract positive energy, plus it minimizes frustration, impatience, and other negative emotional reactions to your situation.

You can also adjust your intentions to receive more desirable results. In work you may be putting in a great deal of effort, intending to achieve financial gain. That's a natural desire but you could be focusing too much on financial struggles; focusing on what you lack can prevent you from attracting what you want. Think about the success you want to achieve and ask yourself what else you'll get out of that type of success. Perhaps you can motivate yourself in a new way to experience new results.

Adjusting your attitude and intent will go a long way in helping you get more out of life, but sometimes you do need to re-think your strategy and actions as well. Explore new ideas and try new things. If you're having any trouble finding new ideas, ask your angels to help you and be open to the inspiration that will soon come your way!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Expressing Gratitude for What We Have Lost

Losses are an unfortunate but unavoidable part of life. Expressing gratitude for what we have lost can be very difficult, especially if the loss is extremely painful or too recent. The fact remains that good things come out of our losses, even if we're not yet able to see them.

Today is the anniversary of my brother's death, and today I honour his life and the love I still feel for him by focusing on the blessings with unrestrained gratitude. I am grateful for the time I shared with him, all of my memories of him, and the deep love he inspired in me! I am grateful for the life lessons I learned with him, and I am also grateful for the positive changes his tragic death caused in me. Losing him was so painful and I still miss him everyday. His death changed me forever, but most of those changes were very positive and have enabled me to get even more enjoyment out of my own life. His life was a precious gift to me, and I am in no way grateful that he is gone, but I am grateful for all the good things that came out of his life and even his death.

I ask you to contemplate the losses that have deeply impacted your life, but to look for the good things that came out of your experience (before the loss as well as afterward). If your loss is too recent, you might not be able to do this--that's okay because you need to grieve and take time to heal, but try to keep this idea in your heart and mind for later, when you have healed some more. Expressing gratitude for what we have lost doesn't mean we're glad to have lost it, just that we're able to see and appreciate the good that comes from even our most painful experiences. God is always working in our lives to make us stronger, healthier and happier.

Today tell Him, "Thanks for all the things you've done for me, even the ones that hurt me so much I thought I couldn't go on, and the ones that made me so mad at you because I wasn't able to understand your ways at the time. Thank you for helping me through those difficult times and ones I will face in the future. Thank you for loving me so much, and thank you for all the blessings you have and will continue to send my way, even the ones that really don't feel like blessings at the time!"

~*~Monica Who~*~

Ending Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is any relationship--romantic, friendship, etc--that has become so unbalanced that your interactions with that person leave you with negative, harmful emotions more often than not. Most of the time, relationships do not start out toxic--they tend to start out balanced and healthy, and your interactions with that person leave you feeling very positive. As a result, you invest more of yourself in the relationship and usually you begin to expect more from it. If the other person does not invest more of themself in the relationship or have the same expectations that you do, the relationship becomes unbalanced and interactions with that person leave you feeling hurt, angry, and frustrated. Ending a toxic relationship often seems as difficult as being in one because you have invested so much of yourself into the relationship.

Knowing when and how to end the relationship can be very challenging, and we often know it needs to end long before we're ready to actually end it. I believe that the right time to end a toxic relationship is the precise moment you feel ready to end it. If you try to end it before you're actually ready to, you will probably give more of your personal power to the other person and you're likely to waver in your determination and fall back into the relationship, making it even more unbalanced than it was before you tried to pull yourself out of it!

If you're in a position of blaming the other person for the problems in the relationship, you're giving them too much of your power. Sure, the other person has probably done a lot of things that have hurt you deeply, but you make the choice to invest yourself in the relationship and to allow yourself to be hurt. I don't mean that to sound harsh; I want you to be empowered by recognizing your role in the relationship and that your choices impact your experiences in the relationship and in your life. You have the power to make different choices! You cannot change another person, no matter how much you may want to, but you can change your choices, your actions and your reactions.

When you reach the point where you realize that the relationship you invested so much of yourself into has become toxic and cannot offer you good and healthy experiences, and you no longer blame anyone for it, you are truly ready to end the relationship. The likelihood is that you're also in a healthy enough frame of mind to be able to end the relationship in a healthy way: respecting yourself and the other person (even if some of the things they have done were very disrespectful to you). Please keep in mind that a romantic relationship which became toxic would probably be a toxic friendship as well, if you wanted to try to stay friends with the other person. It is often best to make a clean and total break from the other person.

If you dwell on the negative and hurtful experiences of the relationship, you're still in the toxic relationship even if you're not interacting with the other person, and you're still giving away your personal power. When you have empowered yourself and pulled out of a toxic relationship, try to focus on the positive things that you gained from it: the good memories and the lessons you've learned that will help you have healthier relationships in the future!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Negative Self Talk

We are often our own worst critics, but negative self talk is more than just a bad habit. Not only can negative self talk bring down your mood and severely impact your self esteem and confidence, it can also impact your spiritual development and attract negativity in your life. What we focus on is what we attract or manifest in our lives, and if you're always talking down to yourself and focusing on your perceived faults, these things can become your reality!

Breaking the habit of negative self talk can take a lot of practice, especially if you've been doing it for a long time. Often the best way to defeat negative self talk is with logic and reason. You need to explore your negative self talk, which is often easier and more effective when done through journaling. If you write it down you'll be able to look back on your journal entries later and benefit from them more than once.

The first step is to write down the negative things you're saying to or about yourself, and then examine if these are opinions or facts. Facts are things we have the power to change! For example, you might be prone to saying to yourself, "I'm fat," but does your Body Mass Index indicate that you are overweight? Once you know if the negative statement is a fact or an opinion you can move onto the next step.

If the negative statement is a fact, you need to ask yourself if there's a better way to look at it or say it. Instead of "I'm fat" you can say to yourself "I'm overweight," for example. After finding a healthier way to look at and say the fact, you need to explore what you can do to change it. If the negative statement is an opinion, you need to focus on the facts. For example, if your Body Mass Index indicates that you're a healthy weight (or even underweight) then the fact is actually "I feel fat," and you can start working to change that fact. (Sometimes it's a little harder to break down your negative self talk than in this example and it may take more than one step. If you say to yourself, "I'm not good enough" you need to break it down further by asking why you believe that.)

Once you have broken your negative self talk down to the facts, it's time to create an action plan for changing those facts. For example, if you are overweight you can plan a healthier diet and steps you can take to live a more active lifestyle. Your emotions, such as "I feel fat," are facts that can be more difficult to change than eating better and exercising more--but it can be done! Come up with a plan to change the facts and get to work on it. If you're actively working to change it, you can stop the negative self talk by reminding yourself that you're doing something about it.

When you've been in the habit of negative self talk for a long time, it will be even harder to break but it's important that you keep at it. By focusing on the facts and working to change them, you will improve your self talk, self esteem and confidence all at once! You'll feel a great deal better about yourself, plus your positivity will change your reality and help you manifest more positive and healthier things.

~*~Monica Who~*~