Be Actively in Love

If you're in a romantic relationship right now, the chances are you're getting ready to celebrate Valentine's Day with your partner and you might even have a surprise in mind. Being actively in love means that you don't just feel the emotion, but you respond and react to love.

Actively demonstrate your love for your partner and strive to find new ways to show him or her how you feel. Spend time meditating on your relationship frequently--not just around Valentine's Day and anniversaries. Take time to reflect on your most sacred memories with your husband or wife, and honour your special memories with your partner in lots of different ways.

A memory box filled with movie tickets, ribbons from gifts you received from one another, and photos of your favourite times together is a nice way to honour your memories. You can also make a scrapbook or make a web page on MySpace or another free service. If you're married, you should date your spouse. Take him or her out for dinner at new restaurants, and go to the movies together. If you enjoy art galleries, orchestras, and live entertainment, you can find a variety of events in your area, and go on amazing dates even years after saying your wedding vows.

Don't fall into cliche gestures like flowers or candy, and don't buy your husband or boyfriend tacky silk boxer shorts with big red hearts splattered all over them. Take the time to think about what your partner is interested in, what he or she enjoys doing in their spare time, and pick out a meaningful gift that you know your spouse will appreciate. Giving a gift to your loved ones is a special way of showing them that you really listen to the things they say to you, and you pay attention to their interests. You can actively demonstrate your love by choosing gifts that your partner actually wants.

Making or doing something special for your sweetheart is usually a more meaningful gesture than exchanging gifts. If your partner enjoys French cuisine, take her out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and let her pick out the wine. If your husband or boyfriend really loves hockey, you can take him to a game and go for his favourite guy food afterward. Better still, if you can cook a special meal or create a decadent dessert, your time and special effort will definitely be appreciated! You can make a special gift for your husband or wife, using your special skills and talents. Give your spouse a collection of photographs you took during your marriage, or make a bookshelf for your wife if you know she wants one for her office.

Being in love doesn't do anyone much good if you don't act on it. Be active in love every single day, and show your partner how you feel as often as you can. Keeping the love alive in your relationship isn't a difficult thing to do, and it's probably the most enjoyable and rewarding thing you'll do in life!

This Friday, I'll be talking about love and relationships during my debut internet radio talkshow, Who Says: Clairvoyant Talk Radio. Join me the day before Valentine's Day for more tips on making your relationship the best it can be, or manifesting the kind of relationship you've always wanted. You are invited to call in during the show if you would like a free psychic reading on your love life. The call-in number is (718) 508-9146 and the show starts at 10 am Pacific Time, 2 pm Atlantic, 6 pm in the UK and 8 pm in Finland. I look forward to working with you!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Getting Through a Divorce or Break Up

These days the divorce rate is already high and I foresee the situation for married couples getting even worse over the coming years, as everyone buckles and struggles through the economic crisis gripping the whole world. Communication break downs and financial strain can really put your relationship in harm's way. Next Friday, February 13, I will be hosting a 90 minute special about love and relationships on Who Says: Clairvoyant Talk Radio. If you're going through a divorce or break-up right now, I invite you to call in during the show.

I'll be talking about all things related to love and romance on my debut internet radio show, and I will be talking about the down-side of love too. I have gone through a divorce myself and have a lot of insight to share on marriage and divorce. Although my first marriage was a mistake, I learned a great deal about what I should look for in a life partner, and what I should avoid as well. As a result, I stayed single for many years and took my time to heal before moving onto another relationship. By waiting and figuring out what I truly wanted, I was able to be open to the arrival of my soulmate in my life. I don't regret my first marriage because it has contributed to my emotional and spiritual wisdom that allows me to enjoy a strong, love-filled marriage with my soulmate.

During my "Guidance for Surviving Valentine's Day" show, I will help you discover the wisdom available to you during your painful break up so you can move forward in your spiritual evolution. I will teach you how to put the past behind you and work to manifest the right relationship for you. You can discover what kind of life partner you desire, and take clear and certain steps toward manifesting a soulmate relationship in your life.

A divorce or break up can happen unexpectedly and catch you unaware. When that happens, your pain is much more intense and difficult to cope with because you didn't see it coming. On the other hand, when you do see problems in your marriage or relationship for an extended period of time, if you've gone through affairs or bouts of petty bickering and name calling, you probably wouldn't be very surprised when your partner announces that she wants a divorce, or tells you that he's not ready for a serious relationship right now and wants to just be friends, or your sweet heart tells you, "It's not you, it's me."

If you can see your relationship or marriage crumbling as if in slow motion, right before your eyes, there is still a possibility that you can turn things around! Counseling and spiritual guidance can help you spot the problems and find quick, real-world solutions for your unique situation. Call in during my radio show if you think your marriage or relationship is in trouble, and I will look into the immediate near future for you. I will provide specific, personalized spiritual guidance and clairvoyant predictions to help you manage the challenges you're facing right now. I can help you get your relationship back on track and make it stronger and more rewarding than ever!

Watch my blog over the next week for more posts about love and relationships. I would be happy to hear from you, and you are invited to call in during my radio show next Friday. The number is a New York area code, so regular long distance charges may apply to your call. The telephone number is (718) 508 - 9146 Call in for a free reading and guidance for your marriage or relationship, and specific help to get you through a divorce or break up so you can move on and find true, lasting love with your soulmate.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Psychic Guidance for Marital Issues

A gifted psychic can be extremely effective at helping you to avoid marital discord, and if you are already experiencing marriage trouble, the assistance of a psychic could be the key to the tools and opportunities that can save your marriage. Usually the first sign of problems in a marriage is a break down of communication, and a psychic medium who communicates with Spirit can teach you valuable communication skills that can turn things around for you.

Your psychic consultant can also guide you through the conversations you need to have with your spouse, and is able to pick up information about your spouse that can help you understand him or her much better. Your communication will improve dramatically if you have the insight into the emotions and influences that are affecting your spouse, and you know what to say to receive the reaction or response you desire.

When communication breaks down in a marriage, it can easily destroy the sense of security you feel in your marriage. It can lead you to worry about the fidelity of your spouse and whether or not you can trust him or her. Sometimes those fears are the result of suspicious behaviour your spouse displays because there is an affair, but often those fears are the result of losing trust and that sense of security you two shared. If you suspect that your spouse is cheating, your distress could lead you to accuse your husband or wife of infidelity, or to violate your spouse's privacy by snooping and stalking because you feel a desperate need to know if you are being betrayed. These actions can severely damage a troubled marriage even further, and the constant suspicions and fears harm your heart, mind, and spirit too. Your psychic reader might help you avoid further conflict by accusing an innocent spouse, and can help you avoid the negative behaviours that could come out in you if you try to find the truth on your own.

A psychic reader can help you discover the truth sooner if your spouse is being unfaithful, and can even help you work through that betrayal if you choose to stay in your marriage. A psychic reader can help you heal your own spirit after a betrayal in your marriage, and can help you to avoid another affair by giving you the insight into why your spouse had an affair--something your spouse may not even be able to put into words. The insight a psychic can give you will help you discover if you can trust your spouse.

Over the years I have helped many clients rescue their marriages, and in one case a client of mine had nearly lost all hope by the time he found me. He was nervous, but he was so determined to get spiritual help for his marriage that he took a chance and reached out to me. Shortly after our first session, his wife filed for a divorce but he was able to handle the situation with my guidance and was able to reconcile with her. She moved back into their family home at the time I predicted in our very first session. He told me that the continued reassure from me regarding the positive outcome I saw had also helped him to not give up when things seemed irreconcilable. He followed my guidance and advice with a great deal of faith--not in me or my words, but faith in God and God's plans for him and his wife.

A psychic can help you successfully navigate very complicated emotional waters and can help you rescue your marriage and yourself. Often other tools, including couple's counselling, are needed but you might need help approaching that subject with your spouse. I do not mean to suggest that getting psychic guidance during troubled times is the only key to healing your marriage, but it can be one of the keys.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Online Dating in the New Millennium

Online dating is a phenomenon that has grown strong in the new millennium and continues to stay strong. More and more people are looking for love on the internet, and they're finding it too! My husband found me on Facebook and we chatted and dated online before I relocated to Finland to marry him. We didn't meet on a dating site, but a lot of people are meeting and finding love on singles profiles online.

After you've set up profiles online and are waiting to receive emails from interested singles in your area, you really need to take some time to think about your dating style. For instance, how many dates does it take you to decide if you want to have a relationship with someone? If you make that decision after three to seven good dates, do you communicate your wishes for a more serious relationship to your partner? Or are you more of a passive dater, who sits back and lets the other person direct the flow of the relationship because you're scared that if you ask for what you really want, you would send your partner running the in the opposite direction?


I believe that it's absolutely vital that you express your intentions and expectations very early on when you first realize that you're sure you want to have a relationship with this person. Misunderstandings and miscommunication are impossible to avoid when you're cautiously trying to avoid discussing the relationship directly in the beginning.

"If you can't talk about the relationship you want to have with the person you're in a relationship with, then you're not in much of a relationship." Monica Who

Spend some time thinking about your personal dating style and how long it usually takes you to discover if you want to continue a relationship with a new person. If you have never fallen in love before, then you need to think of what length of time is reasonable for developing a strong emotional bond with someone, and you should consider how quickly you became friends with the people who are close to you in your life right now. Falling in love is a deeply romantic experience, but I haven't met anyone who is genuinely in love with their partner and doesn't also consider their partner their friend, so the way you make friends is going to be very similar to the way you fall in love.


Start a journal or private blog at the beginning of a new dating experience. Define for yourself how long it should reasonably take you to reach a decision about this person. Perhaps you will set six weeks as a reasonable time, and then you can record your emotional experiences and reactions (good and bad) to the new person in your private diary or blog. You might experience friction with him or her early in your dating experience and want to call it off sooner--that's perfectly reasonable. You don't owe anyone a full six week trial period.


At the end of your time frame, examine your journal entries or private blog posts about your dating experience with this person. If it's clear to you at that time that you really want to continue a relationship, your next step must be to communicate your wishes to your partner and be willing to accept that he or she might not feel the same way you do. If they don't, you're better off knowing sooner rather than later. I cannot tell you how many women and men I've worked with over the years who spent years pining for someone and not being able to enjoy companionship.

"Generally speaking, you will never receive love by proving to your beloved that you can abstain from all other dating opportunities for as long as it takes to get his or her attention." Monica Who

You need to know if your partner is willing to invest the same level of emotion, time and commitment to your relationship, and if they are not, you owe it to yourself to continue looking for someone to have a rewarding relationship with. If your partner isn't in love with you and isn't willing to make a commitment to you, then you need to keep looking for the kind of connection with another person that will make you truly happy. Do not settle for less or wait around hoping that you can change a person's mind--or worse yet, try to change their hurtful or toxic behaviour.

If your partner wants to build a relationship with you too, then you've gotten the hard part out of the way! You can move on to discussing what kind of relationship you both envision and aspire to, and make sure you define what fidelity, loyalty and commitment* mean to you. This is when you will each learn a great deal about one another's hopes and dreams, as well as your unique communication styles. Be open, honest, patient and respectful to one another in your actions and your speech, and you will be well on your way to building the long lasting, healthy love affair you always dreamed of!


~*~Monica Who~*~



* My next blog about dating and relationships will be about fidelity, loyalty and commitment. Post your questions about online dating and relationships in the comments for this article.

Don't Fall in Love With Someones "Potential"

This is one of the most common mistakes people make in romantic relationships. You can clearly see how wonderful the other person could be, and you stay in the relationship because you're holding out hope that your partner will achieve the greatness you see in them. Believe me, I know all about this relationship mistake! I'm particularly prone to making this mistake because I see the divine in all people, and I have had to make a determined effort to avoid repeating the mistake of loving someone for who he could be.

You need to know that everyone has the potential for greatness, but some people have not realized their own potential yet and others have deliberately resisted being all they can be. It is good to recognize the divine in all people and to acknowledge another person's potential, but it's not something you can build a romantic partnership upon. If the other person isn't living up to their true potential, there is very little chance that you can change them.

Yes, we can inspire growth and positive changes in others but the process is more effective in other types of relationships, such as friendships or mentoring relationships. Healthy romantic relationships are built upon equality (among other things) which cannot be achieved if you're on different levels of growth and perspective.

If your partner isn't treating you the way you want and deserve to be treated, and they aren't giving you tangible here-and-now reasons to love them, then it really makes no difference what their potential is. You aren't likely to help them achieve their potential, and if you actually manage this there is a high likelihood that your partner will leave you and go on to be a great husband or wife to someone else! It happens more often than you might think, and it's because of the inequality taking place in the relationship. Sometimes people do fall in love with their teachers and mentors, but that is the exception rather than the norm.

Do you want to build your relationship on hopes for two very rare exceptions? It's rare to be able to inspire change and positive growth in your romantic partner, and it's just as rare that they'll stay with you if you do help them to grow and change.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Giving Second Chances

Giving someone a second chance can be a difficult decision, especially when you have been hurt by them. Forgiveness is always good for your soul, but forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them another chance to hurt you. There is a very real possibility that they'll repeat the behaviour that made you pull away in the first place. Other times second chances lead to healing, growth and fulfilling experiences. When is it a good idea to give a second chance?

This is definitely a decision you have to make for yourself. It can be helpful to seek the advice and opinions of people you trust, but ultimately you are the one who will live with the decision. There are times when friends and loved ones will discourage giving a second chance because they love you and don't want to see you get hurt, but only you can decide if it's really a good idea or not.

The first thing you should consider when making this decision is: what has changed? If you pulled away from a friend, family member or romantic partner because the relationship was toxic, you should not give a second chance if nothing has changed. Does the other person demonstrate a genuine willingness to change? Has the other person expressed a new point of view and accepted responsibility for their actions?

Do you want to give this person a second chance? It could be a mistake. You could get hurt again. You already know this, but if your heart is telling you to give another chance it's probably a risk you're willing to take (even if nothing has changed). Sometimes the risk pays off with rewarding new experiences with someone you already care deeply for, and sometimes the pay off comes in the form of a painful but valuable lesson learned.

No one can make the decision for you and no one has the right to judge you for the decision you make, regardless of the outcome.

~*~Monica Who~*~

Seeking Closure

What is closure and how can you get it? Closure is another word for healing that is achieved through clarity and understanding. How you get closure depends on the situation that requires healing, but today I want to focus on getting closure after a romantic break up.

The clarity and understanding many people feel they need after a break up is centered around what went wrong. Sometimes the break up was unexpected and came as a total shock, and other times you are perfectly aware of how the relationship failed, but you seek to understand why. So often people want to get that clarity and understanding from the other person and it just isn't possible. Sometimes the other person wants no further contact and will shut down any attempts at communication, and other times he or she lacks the insight you seek and has no chance of providing it for you.

When the other person cannot give you closure, there are other options for achieving clarity and understanding. Talking to other people can really help; ask your friends or even join online discussion forums (just remember to respect the other person's right to privacy).

I feel that self exploration is the most effective way to get closure, especially when you want to figure out what lesson you were meant to gain by the experience. First you need to know what type of closure you really need. Do you need to understand how the relationship failed, why it failed, or what lesson you're meant to learn? The next step is to brain storm about all the possible answers to your question (journaling is a good way to do this) and carefully consider all the ideas that resonate with you.

Sometimes the relationship feels generally unfinished and unsettling because you feel the other person did not understand or appreciate your perspective and emotions. You might feel a profound need to express yourself to that person, but often you wont have the opportunity, or that type of communication would deteriorate into an argument or otherwise become unproductive and dissatisfying. In that type of situation, you will benefit most from writing your feelings in a letter and then releasing them by destroying the letter.

The final step in your quest for closure will be to decide where to go now and what to do with what you have learned. Is there a way for you to share your lessons with others? What will you do differently in your future relationships?

~*~Monica Who~*~

Love at First Sight & Manifesting your True Desires

I was speaking with one of my idols at the moment when I first saw him. I was so happy and excited to meet this person I idolize so much--it was really a big moment for me--but when I saw him and our eyes met for the first time, the world stood still. I'm not kidding! In that moment I felt so many things I had never felt before; my heart flooded with wonderful emotions, and I felt weak in the knees and literally stunned. I probably looked as if I'd just been slapped, and I completely lost track of my conversation with my idol for a few moments; I just couldn't pay attention to what he was saying because this other incredible man had just enchanted me with his eyes and his presence!

Was it love at first sight? Certainly. Is it true love? I haven't found out yet. I don't know him well enough to know if he's the right one for me, or if we can enhance each other's lives and enjoy a lasting bond for years to come. Sure, I have the added benefit of being psychic and being able to see many of his characteristics and qualities long before they can be revealed to me through our interactions, but I'm still not sure if the love that overcame me in that first moment is true love or not. The feelings were certainly very real and genuine, and I fully intend to never forget that awesome experience!

What we focus on is what we attract (or manifest) into our lives. I try not to focus on my longing to be with him, because in essence that's focusing on the fact that we aren't together and such focus could actually prevent my desires from being fulfilled. Instead of focusing on him directly, I focus on the things I felt when our eyes first met. I allow myself to recall that brief moment in full emotional detail; I cherish those feelings with complete gratitude. This allows me to attract romance and enchantment into my life with acceptance that I could experience love with him or possibly with someone else who can inspire those emotions in me.

If you have had a similar experience and a longing to be with the one who made your heart soar to brand new heights, start focusing on the wonderful feelings rather than the person you desire. Your true desire is to experience those feelings in a lasting and fulfilling relationship. It's possible that the one who inspired those feelings is not able to help you feel that way consistently or for an extended period of your life, or possibly he or she is not ready for that type of relationship yet. It's also possible that the one who inspired those feelings will be the one who can enjoy that type of relationship with you, but shifting your focus to the pure essence of love will help you manifest what you truly want.

If you are already involved in a relationship with the one you love, you can enhance your relationship by regularly taking time to focus on all of those enchanting moments that made you fall in love in the first place. Allow yourself to recall every detail and hold onto every amazing emotion you felt in those moments. It will help you manifest even greater love between the two of you and enable you to experience true enchantment over and over!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Desperate to Hold Onto You

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

Desperation is not one of the hallmarks of love, and feelings of desperation are a clear sign that your relationship is unhealthy, dysfunctional, and definitely toxic. If you, someone you care about, or someone you're romantically involved with is feeling or exhibiting signs of desperation, listen up!

You are responsible for your own happiness in life. This statement is absolutely true and it should be empowering. A relationship with another person cannot be your sole reason for living. If you find yourself feeling this way, you need to STOP and re-examine your life. Don't waste another minute pinning all your hopes and aspirations on another frail and fallible human being. You absolutely must find gratitude and joy in the world around you, and if you are unable to do this, you need to seek professional help--for your own good and for the sake of everyone you care about.

Depression is a monster and it can come into your life as the result of loneliness, disappointment, real or perceived failures, and many other painful experiences. Everyone has felt depression--to some degree--at some point in their life, so there is no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about seeking help for your depression. Depression can be the result of a chemical imbalance that is easily treatable, and it can be the result of deeply rooted psychological issues that can also be treated and healed through counseling and also spiritual support. Whatever the cause of the depression, you deserve healing!

It is not uncommon for a person to reach a point where they feel their romantic relationship is not working--for whatever reason--and they want to break it off but the person they're involved with threatens to commit suicide if they break up. This very situation happened to me many years ago when I told a boyfriend that it was time for both of us to move on from the relationship. He threatened to commit suicide, and he knew he could expect a strong reaction from me because this happened only a few months after my brother had tragically ended his own life. I certainly did react strongly, but it was not my loving and compassionate nature that came out at that moment! I was absolutely furious that he would attempt to manipulate and control me in such a way. I also found it incredibly disrespectful that he would try to use my intense grief and feelings of guilt regarding my brother's death to get what he wanted. So I called his bluff and told him to go ahead and do it, right then and there while I watched (of course he didn't).

To be perfectly honest, I didn't handle it the best way I could have! I reacted from a place of hurt and anger, and I know now that there were better ways to deal with this type of situation. However, if a person threatens to hurt themselves because you want to break off the relationship, it is a deliberate and inherently cruel attempt at manipulation and control. They want to play on your compassion and concern as a means of holding onto you, and to create fear and an unreasonable sense of responsibility for their life. The other person may be emotionally immature as a result of youth and inexperience (as was the case with my former boyfriend) but it still doesn't give them a right to control you. If you stay in the relationship out of guilt and fear, the relationship cannot be fulfilling to either one of you; it will still reach its inevitable end, and the resulting emotional trauma to both of you could be far more severe than if you break up now.

In most of these situations, the other person is bluffing and has no intention of doing anything to hurt themselves. The chances are you do still care what happens to them--you've just reached a point where you know the romantic relationship cannot continue. The best thing you can do is tell the other person that you do care but you cannot take on that type of responsibility. Give them the telephone number for a 24 hour crisis intervention hot-line, the address and number for a clinic that offers free crisis counseling, or other resources that can help them. Urge them to seek help for their depression so they can get the most out of life! This is the best thing you can do for them, whether they're bluffing or suffering from depression. If the other person is truly depressed, you most likely do not have the ability to heal them, and you cannot afford the expense to your own well being if you attempt to.

If you find yourself feeling desperate to hold onto a romantic relationship, you need to stop and ask yourself why! Perhaps you are not so desperate that you would threaten or even attempt to hurt yourself, but any sense of desperation is a warning sign that something is profoundly wrong in the relationship itself and possibly in your spirit and psyche. You don't want to go through life relying on another human being for happiness and the will to live--you want and deserve to feel joy from even the tiniest miracles life has to offer! You might be suffering from a chemical imbalance, or you might even be involved in a relationship that has become so toxic that you can't even enjoy the rest of the world around you! No matter who you are or what has happened in your life, you don't deserve to feel so afraid of loss and rejection. If you can't pull yourself out of this emotional turmoil, ask for help from your doctor, your loved ones and even God and your angels. You're not alone and you're worth so much more than this!

~*~Monica Who~*~

Ending Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is any relationship--romantic, friendship, etc--that has become so unbalanced that your interactions with that person leave you with negative, harmful emotions more often than not. Most of the time, relationships do not start out toxic--they tend to start out balanced and healthy, and your interactions with that person leave you feeling very positive. As a result, you invest more of yourself in the relationship and usually you begin to expect more from it. If the other person does not invest more of themself in the relationship or have the same expectations that you do, the relationship becomes unbalanced and interactions with that person leave you feeling hurt, angry, and frustrated. Ending a toxic relationship often seems as difficult as being in one because you have invested so much of yourself into the relationship.

Knowing when and how to end the relationship can be very challenging, and we often know it needs to end long before we're ready to actually end it. I believe that the right time to end a toxic relationship is the precise moment you feel ready to end it. If you try to end it before you're actually ready to, you will probably give more of your personal power to the other person and you're likely to waver in your determination and fall back into the relationship, making it even more unbalanced than it was before you tried to pull yourself out of it!

If you're in a position of blaming the other person for the problems in the relationship, you're giving them too much of your power. Sure, the other person has probably done a lot of things that have hurt you deeply, but you make the choice to invest yourself in the relationship and to allow yourself to be hurt. I don't mean that to sound harsh; I want you to be empowered by recognizing your role in the relationship and that your choices impact your experiences in the relationship and in your life. You have the power to make different choices! You cannot change another person, no matter how much you may want to, but you can change your choices, your actions and your reactions.

When you reach the point where you realize that the relationship you invested so much of yourself into has become toxic and cannot offer you good and healthy experiences, and you no longer blame anyone for it, you are truly ready to end the relationship. The likelihood is that you're also in a healthy enough frame of mind to be able to end the relationship in a healthy way: respecting yourself and the other person (even if some of the things they have done were very disrespectful to you). Please keep in mind that a romantic relationship which became toxic would probably be a toxic friendship as well, if you wanted to try to stay friends with the other person. It is often best to make a clean and total break from the other person.

If you dwell on the negative and hurtful experiences of the relationship, you're still in the toxic relationship even if you're not interacting with the other person, and you're still giving away your personal power. When you have empowered yourself and pulled out of a toxic relationship, try to focus on the positive things that you gained from it: the good memories and the lessons you've learned that will help you have healthier relationships in the future!

~*~Monica Who~*~