Online Dating in the New Millennium

Online dating is a phenomenon that has grown strong in the new millennium and continues to stay strong. More and more people are looking for love on the internet, and they're finding it too! My husband found me on Facebook and we chatted and dated online before I relocated to Finland to marry him. We didn't meet on a dating site, but a lot of people are meeting and finding love on singles profiles online.

After you've set up profiles online and are waiting to receive emails from interested singles in your area, you really need to take some time to think about your dating style. For instance, how many dates does it take you to decide if you want to have a relationship with someone? If you make that decision after three to seven good dates, do you communicate your wishes for a more serious relationship to your partner? Or are you more of a passive dater, who sits back and lets the other person direct the flow of the relationship because you're scared that if you ask for what you really want, you would send your partner running the in the opposite direction?


I believe that it's absolutely vital that you express your intentions and expectations very early on when you first realize that you're sure you want to have a relationship with this person. Misunderstandings and miscommunication are impossible to avoid when you're cautiously trying to avoid discussing the relationship directly in the beginning.

"If you can't talk about the relationship you want to have with the person you're in a relationship with, then you're not in much of a relationship." Monica Who

Spend some time thinking about your personal dating style and how long it usually takes you to discover if you want to continue a relationship with a new person. If you have never fallen in love before, then you need to think of what length of time is reasonable for developing a strong emotional bond with someone, and you should consider how quickly you became friends with the people who are close to you in your life right now. Falling in love is a deeply romantic experience, but I haven't met anyone who is genuinely in love with their partner and doesn't also consider their partner their friend, so the way you make friends is going to be very similar to the way you fall in love.


Start a journal or private blog at the beginning of a new dating experience. Define for yourself how long it should reasonably take you to reach a decision about this person. Perhaps you will set six weeks as a reasonable time, and then you can record your emotional experiences and reactions (good and bad) to the new person in your private diary or blog. You might experience friction with him or her early in your dating experience and want to call it off sooner--that's perfectly reasonable. You don't owe anyone a full six week trial period.


At the end of your time frame, examine your journal entries or private blog posts about your dating experience with this person. If it's clear to you at that time that you really want to continue a relationship, your next step must be to communicate your wishes to your partner and be willing to accept that he or she might not feel the same way you do. If they don't, you're better off knowing sooner rather than later. I cannot tell you how many women and men I've worked with over the years who spent years pining for someone and not being able to enjoy companionship.

"Generally speaking, you will never receive love by proving to your beloved that you can abstain from all other dating opportunities for as long as it takes to get his or her attention." Monica Who

You need to know if your partner is willing to invest the same level of emotion, time and commitment to your relationship, and if they are not, you owe it to yourself to continue looking for someone to have a rewarding relationship with. If your partner isn't in love with you and isn't willing to make a commitment to you, then you need to keep looking for the kind of connection with another person that will make you truly happy. Do not settle for less or wait around hoping that you can change a person's mind--or worse yet, try to change their hurtful or toxic behaviour.

If your partner wants to build a relationship with you too, then you've gotten the hard part out of the way! You can move on to discussing what kind of relationship you both envision and aspire to, and make sure you define what fidelity, loyalty and commitment* mean to you. This is when you will each learn a great deal about one another's hopes and dreams, as well as your unique communication styles. Be open, honest, patient and respectful to one another in your actions and your speech, and you will be well on your way to building the long lasting, healthy love affair you always dreamed of!


~*~Monica Who~*~



* My next blog about dating and relationships will be about fidelity, loyalty and commitment. Post your questions about online dating and relationships in the comments for this article.