That Hurts, Stop It!

As a young child, you may have learned that touching a hot stove causes pain and therefore you should not touch a hot stove. Physical pain teaches us a very simple and logical lesson: stop that and don't do that again. So why then do so many of us refuse to learn the exact same message from our emotional pain?

The truth is that most people fail to realize that our pain is a result of something we are doing and instead, we seek to blame the pain on an external source. We blame other people, circumstances, and even God for our pain. This leads us to develop the false belief that something else is responsible for our pain and therefore we cannot heal or prevent further pain ourselves. In some cases people do blame themselves and then begin to punish themselves, which leads to even more pain! Stop looking for someone or something to blame.

I'm not saying that the actions of other people cannot hurt you--but I seek to remind you that you have the power to learn from your pain and to stop doing whatever you were doing that resulted in the emotional injury, just as you would learn to not touch a hot stove after being burned. If you don't start learning from your emotional pain so you can heal and grow, you will start learning how to numb your pain through addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or other activities. Perhaps you have already started using addiction to avoid learning from your pain, and addictions (regardless of the form they take) always lead to more emotional turmoil and troubles in your life.

The next time you find yourself broken-hearted, crying your eyes out, blaming someone for your pain, shaking your fists at God, or turning toward addictions, stop and take a long look at what has happened to make you feel such pain. Rather than placing blame on any outside influence or punishing yourself, ask yourself what you could do differently to stop this pain and avoid it in the future. The answer may be tough to face, and the solution may involve taking an action (such as getting out of a toxic relationship) that you hoped you wouldn't have to do.

Turning away from, numbing or ignoring your pain will not help you; it is a deliberate choice to ignore the opportunity for growth and healing. Truly facing and learning from your pain takes courage and strength and you may be afraid to do it on your own, but you don't have to do it alone! True wisdom includes asking for help when you need it: ask your angels for help, seek the guidance and support of a therapist or counselor, or participate in a twelve step support group.

If you burn yourself on a hot stove, you learn to not touch a hot stove again and you tend to your injury to promote healing. When you learn from your emotional pain, also stop and take care of yourself as well. You may get hurt in different ways in the future, but you will truly benefit from taking the time to really learn the lesson your pain is trying to teach you.

~*~Monica Who~*~