Seeking Closure

What is closure and how can you get it? Closure is another word for healing that is achieved through clarity and understanding. How you get closure depends on the situation that requires healing, but today I want to focus on getting closure after a romantic break up.

The clarity and understanding many people feel they need after a break up is centered around what went wrong. Sometimes the break up was unexpected and came as a total shock, and other times you are perfectly aware of how the relationship failed, but you seek to understand why. So often people want to get that clarity and understanding from the other person and it just isn't possible. Sometimes the other person wants no further contact and will shut down any attempts at communication, and other times he or she lacks the insight you seek and has no chance of providing it for you.

When the other person cannot give you closure, there are other options for achieving clarity and understanding. Talking to other people can really help; ask your friends or even join online discussion forums (just remember to respect the other person's right to privacy).

I feel that self exploration is the most effective way to get closure, especially when you want to figure out what lesson you were meant to gain by the experience. First you need to know what type of closure you really need. Do you need to understand how the relationship failed, why it failed, or what lesson you're meant to learn? The next step is to brain storm about all the possible answers to your question (journaling is a good way to do this) and carefully consider all the ideas that resonate with you.

Sometimes the relationship feels generally unfinished and unsettling because you feel the other person did not understand or appreciate your perspective and emotions. You might feel a profound need to express yourself to that person, but often you wont have the opportunity, or that type of communication would deteriorate into an argument or otherwise become unproductive and dissatisfying. In that type of situation, you will benefit most from writing your feelings in a letter and then releasing them by destroying the letter.

The final step in your quest for closure will be to decide where to go now and what to do with what you have learned. Is there a way for you to share your lessons with others? What will you do differently in your future relationships?

~*~Monica Who~*~