Resolving Conflict Through Communication

The best way to resolve conflict in any situation in your life is through communication. Regardless of the nature of the conflict, the same communication strategy can work to resolve the conflict. The first thing you need to do is be a good listener. If you try to convince the other person that you're right and they're wrong, you're not likely to get very far and the conflict will probably escalate.

The first step toward resolving the conflict is to get the other person to express their point of view as clearly as possible. Set aside your emotions and your point of view, and ask the other person how they see the situation. Be calm and express that you are genuinely interested in hearing their side. Listen closely without becoming judgemental or defensive. If there's anything you can agree with them on, point it out, but reserve your disagreements for later. Don't tell the other person, "I can see where you're coming from," if you honestly don't see their point of view clearly. If you still don't understand, ask questions and encourage the other person to keep talking until you actually do have a good understanding of their position.

When the other person feels they have truly been heard and understood, they're far more likely to listen to your point of view with the same level of respect you gave them. After you listen to everything they had to say, and pointed out any aspects of their position that you could really agree with, you can express your side of things and the points you disagree on. You need to be as calm and rational as possible, and if any of your points are based on emotional reactions, try to explain your emotions clearly from your point of view without passing judgement on the other person. For example, you might say, "I feel like you don't consider my feelings when you..." rather than saying, "You never think about how I feel when you..."

After both of you have had the opportunity to express your opinions, beliefs and points of view, you probably have some mutual understanding to work with and you certainly have created an atmosphere of mutual respect that will go a long way in helping you resolve the conflict! If you have found some common ground that you both agree on, you can brain storm together about possible solutions to the problem you're facing. At that point you've transitioned from conflict to cooperation. If neither of you have been able to agree with any aspect of the other person's point of view, you either have to agree to disagree (which only works if there is mutual respect) or you need to continue trying to understand each other better, but in most situations you will actually find some common ground that will be your starting point to resolving the problem.

Remember that successful conflict resolution isn't necessarily about being right or getting your way; it's about being understood and finding a solution that works for both of you.

~*~Monica Who~*~