Don't Fall in Love With Someones "Potential"

This is one of the most common mistakes people make in romantic relationships. You can clearly see how wonderful the other person could be, and you stay in the relationship because you're holding out hope that your partner will achieve the greatness you see in them. Believe me, I know all about this relationship mistake! I'm particularly prone to making this mistake because I see the divine in all people, and I have had to make a determined effort to avoid repeating the mistake of loving someone for who he could be.

You need to know that everyone has the potential for greatness, but some people have not realized their own potential yet and others have deliberately resisted being all they can be. It is good to recognize the divine in all people and to acknowledge another person's potential, but it's not something you can build a romantic partnership upon. If the other person isn't living up to their true potential, there is very little chance that you can change them.

Yes, we can inspire growth and positive changes in others but the process is more effective in other types of relationships, such as friendships or mentoring relationships. Healthy romantic relationships are built upon equality (among other things) which cannot be achieved if you're on different levels of growth and perspective.

If your partner isn't treating you the way you want and deserve to be treated, and they aren't giving you tangible here-and-now reasons to love them, then it really makes no difference what their potential is. You aren't likely to help them achieve their potential, and if you actually manage this there is a high likelihood that your partner will leave you and go on to be a great husband or wife to someone else! It happens more often than you might think, and it's because of the inequality taking place in the relationship. Sometimes people do fall in love with their teachers and mentors, but that is the exception rather than the norm.

Do you want to build your relationship on hopes for two very rare exceptions? It's rare to be able to inspire change and positive growth in your romantic partner, and it's just as rare that they'll stay with you if you do help them to grow and change.

~*~Monica Who~*~